Our vacation is over. We are home. I am one husband and one daughter short, since he is in the US and she stayed in Sardinia with my parents. The house is surprisingly quiet with just me and Stella in it. Which frankly isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I could do with some quiet right now.
Today I was excited to be home. I kicked off my shoes, gave Stella a snack, and then we took a looooong (and much deserved, if I say so myself) nap. I was exhausted from only sleeping about 4 hours last night, and from a few days of large gatherings – in all my years away, I seem to have Swissified, or at the very least un-Sardinianized, ’cause I spent a lot of the time thinking “Huh, that’s peculiar”; and family get-togethers, though fun, leave me decidedly worn out.
But the exhaustion is party emotional: though they left me tired, those gatherings made me feel integral part of the “tribe” again. I remembered how much fun it is to be surrounded by people who will always love you completely and unconditionally, no matter how little you see of each other or how far you live or how different your lives are – to them I am just me, Elisa, their little cousin/niece/aunt/daughter.
They don’t care about my clothes, my travels, my weight; they see beyond all that casual acquaintances might see, and they know that although my clothes and appearance may have changed, though I live far, though I feel like a stranger sometimes when I go home… they know I’m still me. I love my family.
And that is why this return is bitter-sweet; that is why I was crying last night while packing, and hiding my tears and blaming my upset on luggage trouble not to upset my dad, who despite me being an adult, married and with my own family, and despite the fact that I have been gone for half of my life… to him I am still his little girl. Like everyone else, he sees beyond, and understands that my leaving was never about him, and that I love him dearly, even if from far away for most of the year.
And my island… what can I say about it, except how much I love it? That maybe for the first time in my life, I too can see beyond its appearance?
That I can see its strength beyond just the rocky cliffs

and its warmth beyond that of the sun on the white beaches

and that the narrow streets that made me feel trapped now make me feel nestled and protected

and that I am thankful for that beautiful sea, that challenged me to look further and see what was beyond, to ask more of myself and find out what I was capable of?

I could say all this and more, but for now I’ll just say:
I love you Sardinia, and I miss you already! But I’ll be back soon, I promise.
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