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stuff I really shouldn’t share but I will anyway

The list

by Elisa on November 2, 2009

in my dazzling personality,ramblings

Disclaimer: this post was written on a whim, several weeks ago, and never published because it felt a little too cheeky and borderline obnoxious. However, considering that I am currently wallowing in a pathetic lack of energy and inspiration, this post now now being published because, well, what the hell.

I wish I was skinnier. Or rather slimmer, since I am not skinny at all.

Don’t you? Really, being honest here, between us gals. If not skinnier, then surely something else. Everyone has that “I wish I was…” list. What’s on yours? Richer? Braver? More stylish?

Motivational speakers are fond of saying things like “you can become all you wish to be” or “You can have all you desire”. I don’t think you can, not really. I’m not trying to be a party pooper here and I’m not generally a “glass half-empty” person.

I just feel that we should focus our energy constructively, and that means setting reachable goals one can work towards (oh boy, sounding all self-help-ish there) without stopping half-way and feeling like a loser because the goals still seems to far out of reach, or dare I say it, IMPOSSIBLE. (I know I said I wasn’t a glass half-empty person, stick with me.)

For instance, I wish that I was naturally thin, but that’s not a reachable or realistic goal.
I have no doubt I will eventually win my battle with the scale, if I work hard at it. However I’m not naturally thin, and it will never be a completely effortless thing for me. And that’s ok. Or not. Alright, it’s kind of a downer, but come on. If we dwell on everything we don’t have… well, that seems like a waste of time. Surely we can find something better to do, like reading, shopping, spending time with friends, or anything else that is sure to leave you happier or at least more relaxed and more content than thinking “this really sucks” for hours, like a stuck record (and this is where I prove just how old I am by mentioning records.)

Some things on your list can be learned. Or you can give it a shot, at least. For instance, most people can learn to be more stylish. Keep up with fashion, learn what looks good for your body shape, what you can and cannot pull off based on your height, shape, coloring, personal style. For instance, I cannot wear cowboy boots. Even if I wanted to. Even when they are fashionable, you know, vaguely cowboy-ish boots, worn with the boho chic look that Sienna Miller pulls off so effortlessly. They are just not me.

cowboy boots

Now, you’ll notice I said “most people”. That’s because there are some people who unfortunately, no matter how much they practice, will always need a stylist. Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas comes to mind. No matter that she designs shoes know (these days everyone seems to think you can just say “I’m a designer now” and poof! you actually become one), every now and then the girl will step out in some horrific ensemble and you just know that’s one she picked herself, maybe when her stylist wasn’t looking.

Buy hey, she is gorgeous and has a nice voice – can’t have everything, right? Besides, it’s not like she cannot afford a stylist ;-)

Anyway, my point is: we don’t need to give up our dreams, but we do need to focus on stuff we can actually get done. Truth be told, this is more me trying to talk myself into doing just that. It seems to me that watching too much TV puts me in a state where the “I wish” list starts sounding like stuff you’d need a genie for.

Still, as I said, I believe in having dreams, and sometimes a few regrets – that’s just life. I just don’t want them to take over. So I decided to make two lists. List #1 is for stuff I need to get out of my chest and then file away. List #2 is for stuff I need to get off my ass and get working towards.

So here we go: (and I know I am giving everyone plenty of ammunition for future teasing, blackmail etc)

LIST#1: I wish…

… I was naturally slim and could eat whatever I wanted.

… I hadn’t died my hair before the move, so that between the color, the stress and the fact that I haven’t yet found a good hair stylist who can help me grow out my angled bob,  it now closely resembles something you clean floors with. Or Harry Potter’s Nimbus 2000, after 5 years of use and a few too many violent Quiddich matches (man, I am such a geek.)

… a long-lost relative would leave me a park-view apartment in Manhattan.

… we had never left NY.

… I hadn’t eaten that dessert.

… my feet were dainty and lovely so I could fit into Louboutins.

… I could afford Louboutins.

… spending time in a playground didn’t make me feel like banging my head repeatedly against a wall.

LIST#2: I’d like to…

… write a book one day.

… eventually get down to a size 10.

… have more sex. (That’s right, I said it!)

… resist dessert. (Connected to the “size 10″ point above, no doubt.)

… get Stella potty trained some time soon.

… get back to work and find a job I enjoy doing and I’m good at.

… get out of this slump I have been in almost non-stop since I moved.

… learn to use a professional camera so I can take full credit for the photos I shoot (whereas now I can only take credit for the composition, the rest goes to my CoolPix.)

I know I might regret sharing this, but right now I’m ok with it. Maybe if you share some of the points on your lists I’ll keep being ok (despite this bordering on TMI). So come on, let’s dish :-)

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Everyone is a "don't" sometimes. Or: the one where I was in such a hurry I left all my glamour at home.

by Elisa on June 15, 2009

in fun stuff,humor,not to be repeated,NYC,oops

We all want to look good. And sometimes it requires more effort than others. Some things make it harder to achieve glamour.

Being a busy mom with a super-active-oh-my-gawd-I-wish-she’d-stay-still-3-seconds toddler comes to mind (not sure why. Heh.)

Being a plus size gal is another.

Lack of sleep is also a good one.

PMS isn’t exactly the equivalent of a day at the spa either, what with the breakouts and the water retention. (Seriously, and we are the weaker sex? Look at what we have to endure.)

So take all these things, put them in a blender (it’s a metaphor, don’t be daft) and then add a large pinch of New York City traffic, a bunch of puddles from recent rain (which also changed my artfully textured and straightened angled bob into a poofy mess), and the stress of knowing that if you don’t get home by 2.30pm your 9-year old daughter will be alone when she gets back from school. Does that sound like the right mix for a day when you are meeting people you don’t know (you know, like adult human beings who can talk in complete sentences and expect you to be able to do the same) and you’d like to make a good impression? Say yes, I dare ya.

Ok, alright, let’s start from the beginning: last week I got invited by Allison and Geoff of MWW to participate to a podcast as part of Nikon’s photography podcast series. It sounded like fun, so I said yes. No worries, they also invited an actual photographer ;-) The other guest was Carrie Sandoval, children photographer extraordinaire. (Seriously, she’s awesome. Check out her work.)

Today I went into the city, sans stroller because after being in NYC many many times with Stella in the stroller, I was afraid of:
1. getting stuck in those big giant scary metallic turnstiles (seriously, when will they get rid of those??)
or 2: topple down the stairs because of trying to carry a folded umbrella stroller, a 34-pound toddler and my giant handbag which today weighted at least 10 pounds.

So, without stroller we went. I arrived early, because I knew I might get stuck because of the rain. And I brought a pair of flats along, because one can only walk in cute peep-toe wedges carrying the above-mentioned 34-pound toddler for so long. I also had snacks, stickers, my camera, and all the usual stuff I normally carry in my bag (yes, it’s a lot of stuff, which clearly marks me as one of those women who could never leave home without a handbag – bite me ;-) )

There I met Geoff, John, Steve, Frank… I think I’m forgetting someone’s name, but I can clearly claim mommy brain, right? I also met Mark, who is one of those lucky few blessed with such a fantastic voice that you can’t help but try to think of excuses to keep them talking. (Me, I’m not one of those people. I sound like a 12-year old Croatian-import valley girl on the phone.)

I also sort of met Carrie, who was calling in from a studio in San Diego. Had lots of fun, despite Stella having a bit of a meltdown half-way through, so  had to go out and console her, then go back in to wrap it all up. I was so relieved when we were done, and so mortified for Stella’s meltdown that I didn’t even take the time to take a few pictures of the studio, or of the guys, who were all fantastic. I did take pictures before that though:

Stella, looking for leaves in Madison Square Park, bright green after the rain (the park, not Stella)

Stella, looking for leaves in Madison Square Park, bright green after the rain (the park, not Stella)

The turned on the fountain while we were there, and Stella just loved it. Thank goodness there was a fence or she might have jumped in.

They turned on the fountain while we were there, and Stella just loved it. Sea, lake, pool, fountains... and puddles. She loves all water. Formerly a mermaid, perhaps?

Then after I left I started my regularly scheduled routine of second guessing myself: did I say something stupid? Boy, I really shouldn’t have worn that top, I look like the Adriana girl from Sopranos, minus the slamming body (translation: a bit trashy) – a DD cup, a VS push-up and a low-cut top do not combine into a classy result Elisa, what were you thinking? The biggest dope slap was definitely when I realized I might have just had gone through the whole thing with my fly open. (Did anyone notice? I wish they’d told me. This is one of those “spinach in your teeth” times.)

Yeah, so I’m thinking I’ll file this under “definitely NOT one of my most glamorous days”. Still, it was fun. Silver lining people, it’s all about the silver lining. But let’s not mention it again, ok?

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Note: this is SO NOT a sponsored post. Do you really think they would pay me to write this kind of stuff??? Pfffft.

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Copyright Elisa Bieg, 2008-2009.