From the category archives:

reminiscing

Sardinia, Summer 2002. Sarah with dad.

Sardinia, Summer 2002. Sarah with dad.

“Don’t you ever miss home?” an old friend asked me on Facebook a few days ago. She was referring to Sardinia, the Italian island where I was born and lived until the age of 17. More specifically, she was referring to Nuoro, the “city” so small it is barely a city at all – more of a town, really – where we all lived, went to school, met in the evening to walk up and down the Corso Garibaldi, the main street, and then stop at the Piazza Vittorio Emanuele, the square where we all went to play as kids, because our parents would take us back to where they used to hang out with their friends; the square where we also, as teens, started hanging out with our friends.

My friend still leaves there, cannot bear the thought of leaving. So it’s it strange to her that I have been away for 15 years, that I have lived in several other places, that I have created a family for myself and even then I didn’t go back, not for longer than a 2-week summer vacation… she cannot imagine how any of my trips and moves might change my feelings about the place where I was born, where I grew up, where I still have friends – though can you really call a friend someone you haven’t been in touch with for many years? Someone with whom you haven’t shared the important moments in your life, like your wedding, the birth of your children? Hmmm. Maybe.

Piazza Vittorio Emanuele, Nuoro (Sardinia, Italy)

Piazza Vittorio Emanuele, Nuoro (Sardinia, Italy)

She never considered that perhaps it never felt like home, in the first place.

Of course she wasn’t the first to ask that question – I have been asked the same thing many times, by relatives, friends old and new, and more recently by a few bloggers. Then the question was raised on Twitter Moms: “What is home?” and I thought perhaps it’s time to answer it – not that I have all the answers, mind you, but I might just have this one.

Since leaving my hometown I have lived in Milan, Los Angeles, Copenhagen, Zurich and now the NYC suburbs. When I lived there, every one of those places felt like home to me. I think the fact that I had decided to be there made it home. The exception was Copenhagen, where I never felt at home; and now that I think about it, that was the only place I hadn’t really chosen to be – I was transferred for work.

I used to walk this bridge every single day. Thank you Susan for sharing this photo on Flickr.

I used to walk this bridge every single day. Thank you Susan for sharing this photo on Flickr.

Copenhagen was too cold and humid, and it seemed to me that there were rivers of beer flowing on any given evening. But it’s a beautiful city, and I probably would have enjoyed it more, had I just decided to be there. In fact, it makes me think that maybe we should take a trip to Copenhagen, to give my memories a positive spin :-)

Rodeo Drive in LA. Photo shared on Flickr by Markus.

Rodeo Drive in LA. Photo shared on Flickr by Markus.

On the other hand, who could feel completely at home in Denmark, after living in Los Angeles for 3 1/2 years? With the sun, and the palm trees, and the hills, and Universal Studios? But really, the focus was on the sun and the palm trees. I love the sun, I love warm weather. I also love palm trees, though I have to admit that they kind of bugged me around the Holidays. It’s just unnatural to have Christmas decorations on a palm tree.

LA was so much fun. I loved living there. Not even the earthquakes killed my buzz, though talk of The Big One did freak me out a bit. LA is special to me: that’s where I met my husband, that’s where we got married, and that’s where my dream to become a translator came true. Would I go back to live there? Probably not. Turns out I’m much more of a homebody. After kids, I turned into one of those cliché parents who prefer living in the suburbs. Never far from the city, but never stuck in it, either. Right now it’s Westchester, the NYC suburbs.

Stella in our backyard, this past weekend.

In a few short months it will be Zurich, again.

Will it feel like home? That depends from how much I’ll want to be there. Because you may live far from many things, but if you have the things or people you care about most, if you are somewhere you want to be, if you’ve decided to be there, wherever that is… that’s home.

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I believe in respecting the environment. I made an effort to “be green” before it was fashionable, thanks in large part to my moving to Switzerland, where being respectful of the environment is a way of life.

As a result, for many years now I have had fairly green habits. (Late disclaimer: this post features the word “green” in fairly large amounts. If that bothers you, well… suck it up.) I recycle, I use no chemicals in the house, I buy mostly organic, don’t eat much red meat, I donate rather than discard items that we no longer need but are still usable, etc. I even considered using cloth diapers, but since that would be setting myself up for failure I opted for g-Diapers instead.

I believe in protecting the environment. I believe nature is beautiful (for the most part) and should be respected. But that’s only one side of my relationship with nature – the other side is nothing to wax poetic about. And that is obvious to anyone who spends any length of time with me in the great outdoors.

I have no green thumb, plants seem to go suicidal around me. Which is to say that even in the rare instance that I remember to water them etc, they still don’t fare very well. Thank goodness my husband seems to have the green thumb I lack in addition to his own, or we’d never have any plants in this house.

I like spending time outdoors. Sort of. I like to be out in the sun (yeah, yeah, with SPF and not between 11am and 2pm), hear the birds, look at the trees and flowers, walk along the lake and maybe feed the ducklings. But that’s more or less where my comfort level ends. I am not a nature girl. I do not like digging or getting dirty, I do not like the idea of “sleeping under the stars” because to me it spells creepy-crawly stuff, and I do not, by any means, love “all of God’s creatures”. When I see a spider, my first instinct isnt to let it crawl over my hand and let it out the window (though I will sometimes use a sheet of paper and a cup). I don’t even feel the need to touch the pets in people’s houses, though I do like dogs (other people’s mostly).

I have to confess it is a little disturbing to me that many people get so comfortable with their pets that they kiss them on the snout, let them sleep in their bed, even let them eat from their plate or (gag) use their toilet. It’s all a little gross to me.

So, well, I guess I’m not one with nature. You might even say I prefer a long-distance relationship. I mean, it’s not that I would like to live in a place with no green, all concrete and all, but really, access to a nice park will do it for me. And if I had to choose between the country side and the city, it’s always the city. Only because of the fact that I have kids I go for the suburbs (a discussion for another day).

I tried. When Sarah was 1 year old, we moved to a house in the countryside (and unfortunately stayed for 5 years). It was only 25 minutes outside of Zurich, but it was really the countryside. Out there, we could afford a nice house, on the large side, with its own backyard and several bathrooms and a basement as big as our entire apartment had been. It was part of a newly built community of perfect white row houses, with a huge underground garage and a big playground out front, including a construction which turned out to be a shed for bicycles which was also, incidentally, as big as our previous apartment had been (and not shed-looking at all).

Sarah at 4, climbing a tree :-D

Sarah at 5, climbing a tree.

It was so beautiful in spring and summer! I’d go for jogs by the river, play outside with Sarah, take her on long walks, often passing by a nearby farm to feed the animals (yeah –I told you it was the countryside). Then September came. It got foggy, rainy, grey, muddy. Let’s all say it together: 1…2…3: “YUCK”.

It was no longer fun to go outside – it wasn’t even that pretty, without the flowers and the sun and stuff. There was nothing to do, and the walk to the train station to go into Zurich was not fun in the cold and humidity. It was so depressing. I kept wondering why I ever moved there. And then summer came, and I decided it wasn’t so bad. And then fall came again, and I wanted to kill myself. Except I didn’t think it would be necessary, as I was pretty sure I would eventually die of boredom.

Long story short: I’m not a country gal. Unfortunately my husband is, so we often have the discussion about where to live when we are ready to buy a house. We haven’t reached an agreement yet. But if I can hear cows while in my backyard, it’s likely to end up in the “no way in hell” column.

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Copyright Elisa Bieg, 2008-2009.