From the category archives:

reminiscing

As a child, growing up in Sardinia, my winter activities never involved skiing, or ice skating. It hardly ever snows in Sardinia in winter, so snow was a special occurrence and cause for celebration – but then again, us Italians will use anything as a cause for celebration, ’cause we love good food, good wine and good company, and a combination of the three is just too good to pass up.

I thought about it recently, when for two weeks straight there were piles of snow everywhere I looked, and it snowed almost daily. After two weeks I found myself exclaiming, exasperated: “Hello?!? I don’t remember moving to the North Pole! When is it going to stop snowing??” to which my husband laughed and looked at me half smug, half amused. No doubt he was thinking what a wuss his Island Girl is when it comes to snow.

Because that’s kind of what we are: a Mountain Boy and an Island Girl.

I grew up on an island in the middle of the Mediterranean, where already at the end of May it’s too hot to be in school, so we stop going as soon as we have made up for any bad grades we may have gotten during the semester.
He grew up in a place where May is really when Spring starts, because March is way too cold and April way too rainy to be considered Spring.

I had three solid months of summer vacation and went to the beach as much as possible.  And once summer was over, back to school we went, dreading the fact that we woulnd’t have time off again until Christmas.
He had five weeks of summer vacation, with a bunch of other vacations throughout the year: Autumn Break, two weeks off in October, a nice time to go hiking; Sport Holidays, two weeks in February, when people usually go skiing/snowboarding and practice other Winter Sports more intensively than during the rest of the season; Spring Break, two weeks in March or April, when many people head South to Ticino and neighbouring Italy, where the weather is warmer and Spring has already arrived.

No one I knew practiced any “winter sports” in Sardinia, not unless you include improvising a sleigh during the occasional winter snow day, sitting on a piece of cardboard or anything that might slide down the hill relatively fast. ‘Cause why would you own a proper sleigh, when you only use it once every few years?

a section of the Gulf of Orosei, beautifully captured by DigitalTool

I grew up in a place where the most beautiful thing was the beach, the water, the rocky cliffs of the Costa Smeralda diving into the blue-green water of the Mediterranean. Meals in Sardinia always feature great quantities of fresh, sun-ripened produce: sweet, melt-in-your-mouth watermelon and cantaloupes; incredibly juicy, deep red tomatoes; beautiful peaches with a thin, slightly fuzzy peel and a nice orange pulp, with a scent so sweet it’s almost inebriating, and you can barely wait to bite into them when you pick one up at the market.

He grew up somewhere famous for mountains and rich food: chocolate, cheese, creamy sauces and hearty stews. His family is from Graubünden, the canton with the tallest mountains in Switzerland, with the famous skiing resorts like St. Moritz and Arosa; the canton Heidi was from. Heidi isn’t just a story here, she is treated like an actual historical character, with trails that take you to her little mountain hut, through the village of Maienfeld, where she went to school, according to the book. The whole area around there is actually called Heidiland, and it’s just a couple of villages away from where my husband’s family is from. The whole area is gorgeous, surrounded by mountains, with blue skies even in the dead of winter because of the warm wind, the Phön, that blows in from the south.

I remember studying the Alps in school, as a little girl, and wondering what they looked like. It’s difficult for an Island Girl to imagine these impossibly high mountains, with snowy tops year-round. What did they look like, I wondered.

Now I know.

{ 24 comments }

Family karma

by Elisa on December 20, 2009

in family matters,reminiscing,The X-pat Files

This morning I was happily listening to music on my iPod while doing some house cleaning (I know it’s unusual, but it was overdue) and then all of a sudden it dawned on me.

“Shit! today it’s the 20th, isn’t it?” I said, rushing into the living room, taking off my headphones and frantically looking for the phone. “Yeees…” said my husband, wondering what the heck I was freaking out about. “It’s my mom’s birthday, I have to call her!” “So? It’s noon, it’s not really late or anything.” I paused my search to stick my tongue out at him and said “But I should call her first thing in the morning, I shouldn’t forget.” It was his turn to pause. “Riiight, like they did on your birthday?”

This took me by surprise, because my husband isn’t petty or vindictive in the least. And to be honest, until he mentioned it I had forgotten that this year on my birthday they didn’t call me until late at night, when I was getting ready to go to bed.

Now I remember. They had forgotten it was my birthday. And I had to admit, I was a little hurt. I’m an only child, it’s not like they have a lot of birthdays to remember.

I’m happy my parents don’t sit by the phone and wallow, waiting for me to call. I am happy they have their own life, which doesn’t revolve around me. I have been away from home a long time, and they are young, just in their 50s – I’m glad they are keeping busy, boredom isn’t healthy. People in our family tend to get depressed and grumpy when they are bored. I should know that, I have inherited that lovely trait myself.

It’s just that for years I have been feeling guilty, for leaving home, leaving them behind. Sure, it’s the destiny of every child to leave home, leave the nest, and make a nest of their own. But where I grew up, people don’t usually go very far. Certainly not as far as another country, let alone another continent.

But I knew from a young age that I wouldn’t stay there. No matter how much I loved my parents, and all the cousins I grew up with in the classic example of the Italian extended family, the family so tight that I never felt like an only child growing up… No matter how much I loved them, and still do; no matter how much I adore the sea, the blue-green color of the Mediterranean, the noise of the soft waves on the deserted beach in winter, or the soft, warm sand under my feet in summer.

Cala Girgolu - Sardinia

A little taste of home. Thank you to 123Sardaigne, who shared this on Flickr.

And the long summers, the dry heat, that made it okay to take a nap in the afternoon, stay inside the house, kept dark in an effort to keep it cool, ward it against the intense heat of the afternoon. And the warm nights, the gelato stands, and the markets with the handmade, beachy jewelry, the kind of jewelry that is perfect to wear on vacation, where a caftan thrown on top of your bathing suit and a pair of wedge espadrilles count as evening wear ;-)

No matter how much I loved all those people, all those things, I knew I could never stay there for my whole life. I wanted to see things and places and meet new people, people who spoke different languages and had different cultures, people I would never meet if I stayed there and did what everyone expected me to: stick around, go back to live with my parents after finishing University, while looking for a job and finally settling for one I was over-educated and overqualified for. That’s what all my old schoolmates did, some have since gotten married, maybe have kids, some still live with their parents, or not far.

I have always felt a measure of guilt for not following that path, not staying. Their only child, I took her away. But the guilt was never enough to make me want to stay, nor was it enough to make me want to go back after I left – except for the occasional vacations, which became yearly once I moved to Switzerland and had Sarah. And Sarah’s birth added to the guilt: their first grandchild, their only grandchild, and she was growing up away from them.

And then I had Stella, and shortly after we moved to New York, literally on the other side of the world. And through all the fun times I had there, the life I was creating for myself, and despite the wonderful feeling I had finally found somewhere I belonged… through it all, in a small corner of my mind, I felt like I shouldn’t be so happy, because it was selfish of me to be so far away from them.

They kept talking about how much they missed us, how they wished we lived closer,  and how happy they were when we told them we were moving back to Switzerland! And now that we are here… they never call. Seriously, they never call. And for a while there I felt resentful, ’cause I had been feeling guilty for so long, and maybe I shouldn’t have.

But I don’t, can’t hold on to things like that; I forgive and forget, and life goes on. Which is why, until Sascha did that really out-of-character thing and mentioned that this year they almost missed my birthday, I had actually forgotten. Because in the long run, it doesn’t matter. Because there are MUCH worse things a parent could do to their grown child than almost forgetting their birthday.

Which is why I turned to Sascha and said “Well, I can’t necessarily treat people the same way they treat me. I try to treat them the way I would like to be treated. Ah, there’s the phone!”

He smiled at me and said: “That’s right. Please wish your mom happy birthday for me.” And so I did.

{ 6 comments }

Copyright Elisa Bieg, 2008-2009.