From the category archives:

dos and don’ts

Dear Lady Gaga,

May I call you Gaga? ’cause this is really friendly advice here.

Gaga, you have a nice voice. You are also kind of cute and have nice legs. But seriously, girl, you have got to spend some of that hard-earned money and get yourself a stylist. Someone with your best interests at heart, who can draw a line… somewhere before a few unfortunate choices.

Case in point: your choice of outfit at the tour kickoff. Gaga, dear, when you hear that “bubble dresses” are really hot for spring, this is not exactly what is meant by that:

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Bubbles are transparent. They are round. They don’t lend themselves to the molding of a well-shaped garment. Not without popping. And even when you find infrangible bubbles… well, let’s just say that they are not exactly the first thing I think of when I’m looking for something flattering.

We all admire you for having high self-esteem. Many of us could definitely use some (in fact, care to share? You seem to have plenty to go around.) But you should know that “I’m the kind of girl the one who cuts the line without a second thought” is not a trait to be proud of. It’s kind of obnoxious, actually, and if you are in NYC, you might actually get beaten up for that, even if you are currently Our Lady of Dance Music.

Since we are talking here, would you be so kind to pass a few notes to some fellow ladies in the entertainment industry? Look at it as good karma, passing better (dressing) judgment on.

To the Pussycat Dolls: really girls, you don’t need to convince us that you are up for anything – you have made your point. Now please, please ditch the head-to-toe pleather outfits, you are not Catwoman. (Why would you want to emulate her? You do know her movie tanked, right?). How about some normal fabric? There’s plenty to choose from, denim, cotton, linen, silk (look! it’s not just for lingerie!) and even pretty, airy voile – because yes, an outfit can be flattering and even sexy without clinging to yout every curve.

To Madonna: we know, you are still fabulous at your age, and you work very hard, and you have a fabulous body. Yes, yes, we know all that. Now be a dear and get dressed.

And please extend a general thank you to all famous and less famous gals alike, for finally making use of undergarments (or at least not being caught without): we are all very glad that the wave of starlets being immortalized going commando seems to have finally abated.

We also would like to thank you in advance for not jumping on that unfortunate ship, Gaga, and hope you will not disappoint us in that regard.

Your faithful (until something better comes along) listeners.

P.S. I would also like to say something to Amy Winehouse about perhaps going lighter on the eyeliner and teased beehive, but I was afraid she’d beat me up. Maybe she could quickly borrow your new stylist?


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Ok, I’m sorry, is it just me? Am I getting old? (ok, don’t answer that)

What is with the whole showing underwear thing? Believe me, I’m Italian, I am a firm believer in pretty underwear. I’m not exactly a prude, either. However I don’t believe you should show it to the world. Even Carrie was reluctant to go out in her underwear, and they were D&G!

Problem #1: young men wearing their jeans really low and showing their boxers. I don’t know who gave them the idea that this looks good – it really doesn’t. I don’t want to see your boxer shorts. Pull up your pants!! (And if you don’t, you’d better not move to Louisiana.)

Problem #2: super-duper-short skirts/dresses. I mean, that’s taking “mini” to a whole other level. The dress Lindsay Lohan wore at the MTV Awards last year? Lovely, but way too short. Are we really surprised that we managed to get a good look under her skirt? Although at least this time she was wearing underwear. But still, did we need to see that? (Hormone-crazed teenage boys, this isn’t for you to answer.) I think not.

More: just today, going through my e-mail, I saw two photos, from two different fashion blogs/websites, with gals wearing super-short dresses that I’m pretty sure gave onlookers a good idea of what they were (or were not) wearing.

Example #1: straight out of the latest WhoWhatWear newsletter

Their suggestion: wear trendy accessories with great basic pieces.
What they forgot to add: you know what’s a great basic piece? Pants.

Example #2: from today’s Shopbop’s* Stylefile
Their tip: you’ve got it, flaunt it.
What they forgot to add: by “legs” we mean the part below your butt. Our model here is actually still getting dressed.

I mean, really.

I do admire these girls for being proud of their bodies, and I understand if people want to live by the old adage slogan “Nothing gets between me and my Calvins”. I get it. But there really should be something between me and your Calvins.

*I still love you, Shopbop. This is by no means a reflection of how much you rock. Or maybe it is, just a little ;-)


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Copyright Elisa Bieg, 2008-2009.