Oh, I just I love sudden epiphanies.
The kind that feels like a brick just fell on your head while you were chilling by the pool.
The out of the blue, what-the-heck kind, that makes you feel like complete idiot for not getting it before, because hello, it was staring at you right in the face.
The other day, while emptying out yet another box of books, I was assessing my work with a critical eye, when I suddenly stopped, frozen in my tracks, my eyes staring at the shelf where all my diet and nutrition books sit pretty. *crash!* went the brick.
And attached to the brick, a note: Whoa, that’s a lot of diet books. And yet, you are at your heaviest EVER. Connection, Sherlock?
A few of the titles in my diet/nutrition library
Let me backtrack a little. I’m a fairly open-minded, tolerant person. (hmmm… ok, with a few exceptions.) Among other things, I firmly believe in religious freedom and have generally moderate politics.
However, that seems to be where my moderation ends. On many other things, I am decidedly un-moderate. I’m an either/or, one-extreme-or-the -other, black-or-white person.
My house is either really clean or a complete mess. (To be honest, the second is much more frequent thank the first.)
My CDs and spices are either perfectly labeled and alphabetized or a confusing, jumbled mess.
And when it comes to nutrition and exercise, I am either dieting and exercising regularly or eating whatever I want and letting my elliptical trainer, numerous workout DVDs and Wii Fit gather dust.
Don’t get me wrong, I know what I should do. And yet, I don’t feel inspired to do it unless it’s part of a perfectly structured program, with a well-designed workout schedule and an impeccable meal plan. I know I would be much better off dieting a little, watching my food and calorie intake a little, working out a little, instead going from being a stickler for a perfect diet and a comprehensive workout schedule to a couch potato. In theory, I know that some is better than none.
But some isn’t inspiring.
Awesome is inspiring.
Except awesome requires more energy, more time, more work, better organization.
Some is easier to handle, especially now, post-move, when I’m in a slump with a lot of things.
I have a hard time doing things half-way. I don’t get excited at the thought of doing something that is “good enough”. And then I end up not doing it at all. In other words, I am moderation-challenged.
Some will undoubtedly say that the obsession with structured plans and schedules comes from being a Virgo, while my mom just says I need to realize that some things just need to be done whether we like them or not. Whatever. I just know that if I could apply moderation to more things, I would probably be happier. But that might be the issue, I equal moderation with contentment, rather than happiness. Still, that beats my current mood, so I shouldn’t diss contentment.
The solution? I have no idea.
Throw away all my diet books? Impossible. I don’t believe in throwing any book away, no matter how bad. And many of these actually have some good info and decent recipes.
I can hear someone say How about Weight Watchers? I thought about it, except the idea of participating to meetings in German makes me want to bang my head against the wall repeatedly.
Anyone else? Yeah, you in the back, with your hand up! Hey genius, how about getting off your butt for starters? Oh, you mean just forget the diet and start exercising instead? Hmm… I did just get the EAS Sport Active, maybe I can give it a spin.
But I’m leaving on Sunday for 5 days, so maybe I should just start then I get back.
And that’s how it happens. There is always a good reason not to start today, because I will interrupt my schedule and then… what? What will happen? What could possibly be the tragedy that will occur if you make a schedule or a meal plan and you go slightly off it? Nothing much I guess, as long as I get back on. Exactly. So stop being such a neurotic control freak, it’s annoying. But also kind of charming, right? No, not really. Just annoying. Ask your husband, I’m pretty sure he’d back me up on this. Hmmmm… I think he knows better 
What’s that? I’m talking to myself and that’s not a good sign? Hey, as long as I’m talking myself into actually doing stuff. Whatever works.
Now all I need is a mantra. Something I can tell myself when I’m losing my nerve. Something I can repeat over and over in my head when watching Bones sounds way more appealing than working out.
Any suggestions? Nothing with negative connotations like “If you don’t do this you’ll always be a pathetic fat ass” or things of the sort – I don’t find that motivating, I find it depressing and that drives me to overload on carbs. Because in addition to being Moderation-challenged I’m also an emotional eater (like most Italians.) And here you were thinking I was perfect.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
“Moderation-challenged” made me smile. I have no advice, unfortunately, because I think different things work for different people, and eventually you’ll figure out what the right thing for you is. So, not at all helpful. And hopefully you’re going somewhere fun for 5 days!
.-= Gwen´s last blog ..You Got a Purty Mouth =-.
I wish I had some good advice for you but I do not. The mental game of tomorrow, and just one bite, and I can’t do this and the back and forth that never ends, is what usually does me in. I believe that that is truly the hardest part – when we can get our head in the game, the rest is so much easier. The question is, how do we do that? I guess I just answered your question with a question – sorry, that’s the Greek in me.
.-= Maria @BOREDmommy´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – CL Buchanan Photography =-.
Something I say to myself when I don’t feel like working out is ” you can do this, you will be stronger for it”. Most of the time it works. I’m just getting back into an exercise routine after taking a “vacation” from it the last few months.
.-= patsyk´s last blog ..Chicken and Broccoli Stir-Fry =-.
Dude i am the same way, which is why i go from perfect for me weight, to needed to lose 20 pounds, back and forth all of my life. I do not have an answer for you, I have never been one to go to a gym, or workout in the normal way, instead I go hiking or long walks without the idea that they are excercise. Right now I am trying to keep in some sort of shape by walking with my daughter every day. She loves it, so when i feel too lazy I think about how mcuh the bug enjoys it, that gets me motivated.
.-= mountainmomma18´s last blog ..I totally got peed on the other day =-.
This sounds so much like me it is ridiculous. I have to get back on the exercise train! It is even more embarrassing when the entire world can see the progress you make and then you just put all the weight right back on. Sigh.
Okay… I know we share a birthday and everything, but for you to go into my head and steal my thoughts – now that’s taking it too far, Elisa!
WOW wow wow… I couldn’t have written this better myself! I too am avoiding dieting/eating better/working out. I have a billion reasons, the first one being, “Tomorrow”. There is that last piece of food I have to always consume first. And of course I have time to go shopping at lunch, but not the gym, which is just down the street from my work. Like, HELLO? I’m so dumb. And I have gained weight, and I need to lose weight. It’s not rocket science. I know what works. I know that I have to eat less and be more active. But why am I avoiding it? What is wrong with me? Unless I know I’m gonig on a vacation in which I’ll have to wear a bikini, I just can’t get motivated enough! SIGH SIGH SIGH… I hear you sister! STORY OF MY LIFE!
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..Don’t sweat the small stuff =-.
I used to be CRAP at moderation. And then I found mindfulness. (Sorry – serious answer.) You need to read some Kabat-Zinn and you will be fine. Er, seriously.
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..I love routine so much I have a falling-asleep-thought routine =-.
This is going to sound cheesey. I work out all the time, but I don’t always enjoy it. What do I tell myself? “Just Do It!” You’ll never believe me, but I told myself this WAY before Lance Armstrong, and Nike turned it into a multi million dollar ad campaign. So, you have my permission to use it;)
.-= Nap Warden´s last blog ..…Or She Can Rescue Me =-.
well if you lived near me – I would inspire you to INSPIRE me to work out and we could get in shape together!
I’m a Weight Watchers advocate, it worked for me two years ago and it’s still working for me. Though I realize it’s not for everyone. My personal mantra: Remember how you felt before. Remember how you feel now. This feeling is worth it.
.-= Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Hump Day Humor: Carrie Fisher Roasts George Lucas =-.
I am a Virgo too. It must be in our personalities.
Good luck. I wish I had a magic solution to help you. But I think everyone is so different and has to pave the way on their journey.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..BlogWorld Or Bust Featuring BlogDog =-.
I hear you! The constant battle gets old at times and there just doesn’t seem to be an easy way for some of us. I wish you luck!
Please stop by my blog as I have an award waiting for you!!
.-= Swoozie´s last blog ..I Heart Your Blog Award! =-.
I don’t know the answer, babe. I am an Italian emotional eater, too. The best thing I do for myself to try to not gain TOO much? To not have it in the house. Whatever your “it” is. I don’t buy the good stuff unless I plan on eating it all (and I do). Also, I try not to buy stuff for the kids that is kind of tasty to me, but not my fave. Something that I WILL eat, but not get as much satisfaction from. i mean, if I’m going to eat a fattening delicious treat (great, now I’m hungry) it had better be WORTH the calories I’m putting into my body (and not working off). You know?
FYI, I think you look beautiful at your current shape. I know, I know. We are never happy with how we look, but know that you don’t HAVE to have a 24 inch waist to be hot. Cuz I’ve seen you all dolled up, and you ARE hot, already!
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Hopes =-.
So… here’s something weird… I’m in the middle of a post about my all-or-nothing personality type, and how I go from running every day like a maniac, to eating an entire bag of chips and pack of cookies – hence I cannot have any chocolate in the house. I’m like you, there is no moderation. So my new thing is this: I indulge all weekend long, and I’m good (er, mostly) during the week… Oh, and I’ve accepted I’ll never be thin. Thin people aren’t happy anyway right? Hope you find something that works for you!
.-= Lady Mama´s last blog ..Not a walk in the park. =-.
I have battled with my weight since I had my eldest son. He’s 15 now. Recently, I have been studying and learning EFT. Since starting to study it a bit, I’ve realized that any lack of self control has to do with something underlying. This may not ring true for everyone. I speak of what has worked for me. Through positive affirmation, and mind you, I’ve only been exploring this for about a month, I’ve already lost ten pounds. The basis is that we are what we believe we are and/or what we tell ourselves in our mind. I realized I was constantly saying things like “God, I’m fat”, “Oh, I wish I had some ice cream” “I’m hungry!” Instead of saying things like “You’re awesome for not eating that unhealthy food” “I love myself and will take care of my body” “I am takign care of myself so I can live long and see my grandkids born” whatever POSITIVE that comes in my mind & if I find myself starting to say that I’m fat or whatever negative thought comes in, I immediately stop myself and think a positive thought. Now, I don’t even have to remind myself to do this – I’m just starting to FEEL more positive in general, and the negative things that made me not have self control or care enought about my health are just starting to fade. Again, I am in the beginning stages of trying to understand all of this so we’ll see….
Oh, and I’ve lost 10 lbs. yeah…
so – that is what is working for me right now, and I’m actually feeling really good about it.
You’ll figure it out – I see that you are very introspective. ::Hugs::
.-= Vennie´s last blog ..The Conservative Bible =-.
Oh, I hear you…moderation can be tough! Somehow, All or Nothing seems”easier”.
What works for me if I start whining in my own head about “I can’t have ice cream”, I then remind myself I can’t eat whatever I want – I just won’t look the way I want to look, and I’ll only have myself to blame.
Ugh….what I MEANT to say is “I then remind myself I *CAN* eat whatever I want – I just won’t look the way I want to look, and I’ll only have myself to blame”
Proofreading probably would have been a smart move.
.-= AnnQ´s last blog ..When to break up with a Friend =-.
Oh I so feel your pain…I am the same way. I recently (at the beginning of the summer) set a great goal for myself, and then just made the decision to commit to working towards it. I planned out my workouts every day for a full four months and stuck to it, until I got sidelined by an injury. I think having a plan in writing is so helpful. AND I think positive mantra is very important too – something like, I am awesome, and I’m making choices to make myself feel even more awesome!
But right now, cut yourself some slack – enjoy your break that begins on Sunday and come back home energized!
.-= christy´s last blog ..NYC Shopping Advice, Por Favor =-.
Weight Watchers online? I tried it and it’s great…
Otherwise, I am the same with moderation – I have every cookbook, diet book and exercise video. I think I get overwhelmed with all the choices, so I just do nothing with them. I would donate the books and stick with one or two that make the most sense. But, please, don’t choose Skinny Bitch – hate that book. Wrote a post about it a while back…
.-= LZ´s last blog ..Top Ten Thursday: My Favorite Books =-.
I second the WW online suggestion.
I do everything half-assed so I have no suggestions. Well, THAT might be a good motto: “Do it half assed to get half the ass!”
….um, I haven’t had any coffee yet.
.-= Keely´s last blog ..Dear So-and-So =-.
the thing that sucks is…
i’m the same way.
i have so many diet books and work out videos. i’ve paid more money to diet programs than i’d care to admit.
yet, here i am too, at my heaviest weight in years.
and i know what to do too. somehow, it’s the actual doing it part that has me in a quandary.
.-= melissa´s last blog ..Full Disclosure, Transparency And All That Jazz =-.
Twitter: bichonpawz
October 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I guess this would be a bad time to ask if you are enjoying your new world?? Seriously, I hear ya. I’m an emotional eater also. (AND I’m a VIRGO)!! I am also at my heaviest ever. And I totally agree with everything you said and have all the same excuses. Good luck and may the force be with you…
.-= bermudabluez´s last blog ..ReHeated Oldies =-.
These things are best contemplated and figured out over an entire bag of barbeque potato chips or a bunch of really luscious Swiss chocolates. The only exercise programs that work are those that you enjoy. If you’re social, find some buddies. Myh personal recommendation is soccer. (Indoor this time of year.) It’s great. You can try to do something and utterly fail and there’s a bunch of women on the sidelines saying, “Good attempt!” “Good thought.” You also get to kick the living %*&# out of the ball, which is also good for the soul. You can’t get that anywhere else.
Know you’re in good company, or bad company– the rest of us might just be negative influences. Not only does my weight climb, but then I get depressed about it. My 15 year old was asking me the other day why I wouldn’t just give in. I heard myself say to him, “Because I’ve got a stubborn streak as wide as my ass….”
.-= Laura Hedgecock´s last blog ..Behemothic Memory =-.
Twitter: http://www.iamissa.com/personal/my-26th-birthday.html
July 1, 2011 at 5:25 AM
I still don’t understand how being born on a certain month makes us have certain peculiarities..but I absolutely love how you convey your thoughts on diet & exercise.
I particularly like “some” & “awesome”.