In the past 3 weeks, I have only posted once. I know some of my friends got worried, because they know that no matter how busy I get, I don’t usually boycott my blog. Or my Twitter account. Or my e-mail. Or my bloggy friends. Let alone all four.
So I feel like I owe you an explanation.
Some of you know that the move from New York to Zurich wasn’t something I was looking forward to. If you read my blog regularly, you know that’s an understatement.
When I arrived here, I decided to approach things differently. I blogged about it. It was easier to approach it lightly then, during the first month, when we lived in a small flat which kind of felt like a hotel room, and I hadn’t quite “landed” yet. I did feel like a tourist then. And being able to keep in touch with friends and sharing things on the blog made the transition much easier.
Then we moved to our apartment. And all of a sudden, there I was, surrounded by boxes, and it all came crashing down. Damn, I’m really here. For a while, maybe for good. And I was unplugged, for 10 whole days. That was very unfortunate timing. Because all of a sudden, I was missing New York more than ever, missing my friends, missing everything I left behind, and at the same time having to create a new life here for the whole family, and transform the apartment from a complete mess to a lovely place, our home, in the blink of an eye. Because the pressure of getting my s*** together on several fronts at once came and I had no way of diluting it, because I had no phone and no internet.
I know many won’t understand what I’m going on about. What are you complaining about? You are in Switzerland, for Pete’s sake.
Many see traveling to Europe as an incredibly glamourous, awesome thing. That may be true to a degree, when you are visiting places like Italy or England. In fact, it’s pretty awesome to visit anywhere, I think. However, when it comes to living somewhere, a place where you don’t like the language so you don’t get to practice it much, a place where your personality is not only not appreciated but you really don’t fit in, because you laugh too much, smile at strangers, talk too loud, talk too much, are too friendly, and to the locals it all borders on inappropriate, you border on inappropriate… I can get a kick out of being inappropriate sometimes, but when my entire personality makes it obvious that I am a fish out of water? Not so much fun.
Before moving to NY, I lived in Switzerland for almost 8 years. The last year, I finally felt sort of well-adjusted. I know that, but I don’t remember it. I only remember the 7 years before that, when I always felt like an alien. And it’s scary. It’s scary that I can’t think of a single activity that appeals to me that I can do on a regular basis here. It’s either too expensive or not available at all. I can only think of two friends I would actually like to hang out with. And that’s the one consolation, having these two friends, having someone who knows what this feels like, having something to look forward to, when we can finally meet (neither lives in Zurich).
Sometimes, I feel like I got the wind knocked out of me. It’s like I completely lost all sense of purpose and direction. I know I have to take Sarah to school, make meals, take care of Stella, “manage the household”. Beyond that, I have no idea. Or rather, I have no drive. It’s pathetic, really. And man, I hope I can shake it. Because I just cannot tolerate the thought that a move to Switzerland will change me into a pathetic, whiny, sad creature, a scaredy cat with low-self-esteem, for the second time. No.Bloody.Way.
I’m going to kick this. I know I will. I have to. But I’m working on it. And that’s why no blog posts, I’m kind of processing things. And since blogging always helped me, I decided to share this. Hopefully it’s a good start.
Thank you for being there. You are what I think of when I need a push to get out of this funk.
Love,
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Honestly I am in awe of you and think you are so brave to be so candid about what you’re feeling. Just know that you’ve got a virtual network of people who are listening and here for you– honestly I think you’ve got the perfect situation for a book in the making… “How I survived living in Zurich the first year, everything a NYC transplanted mama needs to know about where to get the best lattes and bagels:)!”
Oh, sweetie. I’ve missed you!! And, you are so brave. It’s not easy, and you are managing a million times better than I would. I’m always here for you!!
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Super-Evan! =-.
Poor you! That is a really articulate explanation of your funk. But I believe that you will kick it! Maybe just try to find one thing a day that you enjoy, and look forward to that. Most of all, do cut yourself some slack and don’t be too hard on yourself. You have all made a big change. Hang in there!
.-= Becky´s last blog ..Whatever Happened with That? =-.
Well…. after my email to you a few hours ago, now I have my answer on how you are doing.
I’m sorry it has been difficult and that exuberant personalities are not appreciated in Zurich…. ick. It is too bad for them because obviously they are really missing out on you, er, I mean life.
It will all come together, I am sure, but I understand your apprehension and needing to get things figured out and pulled together. Make meeting and making a new friend a priority and forget anything else that can wait. (That is the advice my therapist gave me before coming here.) There have to be other ex-pats that you can connect with that will appreciate your personality. I will have to connect you with my friend Kathy who lives in Zurich. She has two little girls and can be a real hoot. She is all over the place right now with work, but will be settling back down again soon supposedly.
Good luck!
.-= Amy @ The Bitchin’ Wives Club´s last blog ..Friday Feast =-.
Elisa… I miss you! I’m sorry you’re having these feelings and going through all of this. I know that when I vacation in Greece, I love it – but a vacation in Europe is totally a different thing than living in Europe, especially if you’re used to a North American way of life. And I know you’ve lived there before – and even with that behind you, you’re having a tough time… I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll adjust soon… you will! It is a big adjustment, to say the least… I am looking forward to happy, upbeat posts about the things you’re doing and discovering, and how your girls are doing… if you want to talk just email me sweetie! HUGS HUGS and more HUGS! xox
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..The post where I admit more about my neurotic self =-.
Oh friend…I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I’m a phone call away…I can’t believe you would not fit in…who are these nuts that aren’t clamoring to hang with you?
We decided we are making our move, too. To North Carolina…I’m going to need all your coping tips!
.-= LZ´s last blog ..Scrub a dub dub. I loathe the bath tub. =-.
Oh! That must be awful! Losing the mojo is the worst feeling in the world.
You need yoga. And alcohol. And chocolate.
I’m also too smiley and enthusiastic and all these things for my country. Some people have actually said they find me “too much to bear” because you’re meant to be serious and a bit depressed around here. Don’t let the fuckers win! Eventually you will find your own tribe. They exist, secretly, all over the world. And as long as you don’t have them physically over there, you will still have your online community.
Oh, I wish I could come over and give you a big hug and a bottle of cava and tell you everything will be alright. (I moved to fucking DUNDEE, Scotland on my own for a year once. I feel like I can totally relate to your depression.)
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..Health and safety: not so Belgian =-.
You express yourself so well, I felt instantly drawn to where you are emotionally. I recognized this state of mind. Moving in general and moving to a new country and continent can be a real mindf*ck. You basically have to reorganize your entire view of the world, what you can expect from the world, what you can look forward to…all these things have to rediscovered. All I can offer as advice or at least in terms of words of comfort is please be patient with yourself. Accept this takes time and go slow. Your joy inside will come out again. It’s all over your writing, it’s in you.
Oh, hon. I can’t imagine LIVING in Switzerland. AT ALL. You should be blogging more, not less! That’s what we’re here for, babe.
It sounded like you were really liking your photography. Why not embrace that? Make these first few months into a photo diary, or something…
Wish I lived closer, cuz I REALLY liked hanging out with you!
Take care…
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Seeing Sunshine! =-.
Dear Elisa I know where you are coming from but froma different angle.I too am feeling alien , overwhelmed and out of place my reason is very different tho. On 28th August this year the man I am married to ( i can not call him husband as husbands dont behave like this) phoned me and said he no longer wanted to be married to me. we were due to celebrate our siver wedding this Dec and he has taken the rug from under my feet. I have blogged once in last month and deactivated my facebook. I know its vastly different as you have relocated but I am sure for both of us there is light at the end of the tunnel so come on get blogging you make me feel better your blog is so interesting
.-= Tracy Cook´s last blog ..Not just a Mum ( Mom for those in America) =-.
Twitter: goodgirlgonered
September 27, 2009 at 1:18 PM
I can only imagine what you’ve been experiencing over there. I was a transplant myself from NYC to NC, and it’s not even remotely close to what you’ve experienced. But I do know how hard it can be to move somewhere new (even if it was old and new again for you) and feel completely at a loss. Do continue to reach out to your online friends, because we truly enjoy you and appreciate you AND support you! Wishing you continued strength and the understanding that we’re here for all of it, the good, bad and the ugly. And I’ve seen your fashion sense, so I’m doubting there’s that much [if any!] ugly that’s out there for you, girl!
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..Simply Made Sunday! =-.
i’m so sorry you’re in a funk!! i couldn’t even begin to put myself in your shoes.
i really hope things get better honey!!
<3
.-= melissa´s last blog ..The Kings Big Day =-.
Ahh, transition. It’s a lovely thing, isn’t it? It’s really amazing how much work it can be: reorganizing your life, your thoughts, your everything. No wonder you’ve got nothing left to give to the Ether. I wouldn’t, either if I were you!
I’m glad you’re ok, though. You were about to get an “Are you ok?” email from me, too, because, yeah, you’re usually out there some how and you haven’t been. And even if it doesn’t feel like it, I commend you on the grace with which you’re handling yourself publicly. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost my shit completely and everyone can tell because it oozes from my writing and my FB, etc.
Anyway, big hug to you, girl. xo
.-= Jessica @ This is Worthwhile´s last blog ..11:07 am =-.
You absolutely will kick this my sweet. I know what you’re going through. When I moved to Canada from England, the first month was all temporary and fun – like you, I felt like a tourist. And then the reality set in, and I had no friends and just my DH’s family, and I was very lonely for a while and it really really sucked! And then I decided to get off my arse and do something about it, and decided I WAS going to make friends, and I did, eventually. Things WILL get better, just hang in there and stay positive. And lean on your bloggy friends for support whenever you need to!
.-= Lady Mama´s last blog ..Uptight Laid-Back Mum =-.
Aw sweetie! I’m so sorry!! I know what you are feeling, I felt like this the entire time I lived in Wisconsin!!
Hugs my darling friend, I must make a trip to you work out, and than we Latin girls can just laugh really, really loud, and talk really, really loud…and just be appropriately, inappropriate together! Keep on writing darling…moments like these have an amazing way of generating some serious inspirations.
Baci!
Kick it girl and kick it hard. You’re not alone.
.-= Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..*UPDATED* I do not feel old enough to have been to a high school reunion =-.
{{hugs}} to you girl…You know I love you:)
.-= Nap Warden´s last blog ..I Just Yike Him =-.
Moving is hard. Hard, hard, hard. I know what I’m in for, and I know how much it’s going to suck. But it will get better. Right? I mean, it has to get better.
.-= Gwen´s last blog ..Bright, Green Wings =-.
I’m sorry it’s so hard. Here’s hoping it doesn’t take seven years to feel at home this time.
.-= magpie´s last blog ..Warm =-.
Oh, darling, I can’t even imagine how lonely it must get as you transition into making new friendship bonds, getting the little ones adjusted and settling in. Sending you some peaceful vibes to help you get adjusted. ::hugs::
.-= Vennie´s last blog ..I learn and grow, therefore I am =-.
They say moving is one of the most stressful things one can do in their lives. Sounds like you have made a VERY big move! Hope you find your grove quickly
Sending joy!
.-= ModernMom´s last blog ..Wednesday Wisdom =-.
xoxox
I hope this transition will be easier for you than last time. I’m wishing you the best of luck. Starbucks, magazines and shopping will help!!
.-= Maria @BOREDmommy´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – CL Buchanan Photography =-.
I feel your pain. We got stationed in Japan earlier this year, and even though we’re living in a community of fellow Americans, the whole thing really threw me for a loop, too. I’m still struggling with the language and customs–I wonder how crazy the locals think I am–so I’ve become a bit housebound. Sad, I know.
Hope you find your mojo soon. I can’t wait to hear more about your life as an Swiss(ian? en? I’m perplexed), and agree with Melissa–there’s a potential book hiding in your life. And don’t give up on blogging, either, pretty please? I love reading your blog. (Yes, I’m one of those creepy lurkers who never comments, but dang it, I need my Unlikely Housewife fix just as much as all the cool kids who comment.
)
Hang in there, girl.
.-= Alison Jerabek (AJae)´s last blog ..Why Obama Won a #Nobel Peace Prize-and I Should Get One, Too: =-.
Hi,
so how has the travelling been for you? You make England sound very romantic. I can assure you its not all that
Sounds like you had a lot going on in one go. Alot of processing to do, but i guess the greatest growth comes through the “processing”.
Wish you all the best
.-= Khuram Malik´s last blog ..How to get your mojo back =-.