Today they came.
They said hello, and with utter nonchalance they started packing up my life. The old, the new, all wrapped and boxed up.
I felt like I should stop them, say hey, that’s my life there, don’t lock it away, I need it right here.
“Don’t worry about a thing” they said “Your belongings are safe. You’ll see them again soon, good as new”. Ha! But that’s only partially true, isn’t it? Because stuff isn’t just stuff. It’s memories, moods, moments, pieces of the life you create for yourself. And it may be safe, but it just won’t be the same when I take it out of those boxes, on the other end. The pieces will be scattered there, random, like pieces from 3, 4, 5 different puzzles, all mixed together.
Stop, I wanted to say. They won’t fit there. I won’t fit in there. Like I didn’t fit in before.
8 years, I spent there. If I had to pick, I’d probably say it’s closer to a home than most places. My daughters were born there. Damn it, I even have citizenship. And yet, I always felt like a fish out of water there.
Stop it. Stop whining. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I’m lucky, right? To be able to travel, see new places, experience new things. I love traveling.
So why do I feel like my heart is breaking? Like it’s not boxes but a black hole they are throwing my life, my memories in?
Stop, I want to say. Stuff isn’t just stuff.
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Oh Elisa you brought tears to my eyes. I think it’s totally naturally for you to feel like your heart is breaking. But it will repair! I totally relate. Matt and I have lived in six places in as many years…moving can be so tough. But you will unpack, and find great places for your things — and your memories – AND you’ll be creating new memories. Fabulous memories. All while being able to eat authentic swiss chocolate and cheese….it won’t be all bad! Best of luck for your move! I can’t wait to hear all about it when you’re settled in.
Moving on is hard to do . . .exciting but hard. ((HUGS)) We just moved in October after living and having both of our children in that house. . . it was only 5 years but really tough.
.-= priscilla´s last blog ..Tube Time Thursday (TTT) =-.
Oh Elisa… it can’t be easy, I’m sure… .even though you’re going back to a place you also consider ‘home’, it’s a big change… I have a hard time with change, and never have I had to deal with a change as big as moving, really. Good luck, hon. xooxo
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..Hickory, Dickory, Dock… this is one nice clock! =-.
Even though I dream of moving to a different house, it scares me a bit to leave this one. Good luck with it all!
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Not as fancy as diamond earrings… =-.
sweetie you have every right to feel that way. you are lucky. no doubt. but you still have the right to feel sad at leaving a place you loved, and people, friends. and your stuff. it’s gotta be hard packing it up and seeing it go away, even if it’s temporary….
.-= Madge´s last blog ..Mad Men/Simpsons =-.
I only recently discovered your blog (love the purple heels) and read this post today. Not knowing where you currently live or where you are moving to, I looked back through some old posts. To me, moving is no big deal – I love the excitement of discovering new places. But when I saw that you were saying goodbye to New York, well, my heart goes out to you. What a wonderful city. I then looked at even older posts and saw that you’ve had the opportunity to live in so many amazing cities. You are blessed to have been able to experienced life in so many wonderful places. When you finally reach the place that is meant to be “home”, you’ll know it. Good luck with your move.
.-= Carolyn´s last blog ..Across the pond =-.
Every time I move, I cry. Sometimes big, choking sobs, sometimes just little sniffs, but I always cry. Closing a chapter of your life is always hard, even if an exciting new one is starting. Best of luck with your travels. Your new house will feel like home before you know it.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..About That Diet… =-.
hey girl- Home is Where the Heart is- and i know that your blog feels like home to you as it does me. that’s the great thing about cyberspace- you move, but it doesn’t! you are blessed to have caring, sweet readers — you always fit in here!
.-= marymac´s last blog ..Snakes on a Plain Old Driveway =-.
Oh tears here too … it reopened the rawness of having JUST felt that way a month and a half ago.
You captured it well – how it feels for people to just minimize everything you’re going through by whipping through your house and packing it all up. It’s not easy, I won’t cajole and say it is, or that it gets better.
Cry when you need to and just sit in your empty house for as long as you need to.
It isn’t just stuff!
.-= Naomi´s last blog ..Questions ?? =-.
Good luck with your move. I can only imagine the bittersweet.
Ugh. Moving is so hard. And it’s not just ‘stuff’, it’s the CONTEXT of that ‘stuff’. It always looks different at the other end.
Regardless, I know you’ll handle it with grace and style. Plus, all your interwebby peeps are still in the same places!
.-= Keely´s last blog ..Some stuff for you guys, because I’m in a giving mood and you’re all pretty cool =-.
Oh Elisa!
I know how you feel I have done my share of moving and it’s hard everytime! :]
.-= fran´s last blog ..It’s getting hott in here! =-.
Elisa, I never met you IRL, but your post brought me to tears. I wish you the best and I HOPE to see you real soon. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Ecostore USA | Review & Giveaway! =-.
I can’t even imagine. That is such a foreign idea to me. To live in another country…
That said, stuff IS just STUFF. The memories of what you did with them are more important than the items themselves. It’ll be ok. You’ll be ok. Moving is just so stressful. I hope it goes smoothly for you!
.-= tracey´s last blog ..It’s Always Something… =-.
Twitter: bichonpawz
August 1, 2009 at 12:22 AM
Oh Elisa….I feel your pain. I really do. Not that I have been through moving to another country. I haven’t. I have moved though. It IS painful. And it is NOT just stuff. I am sending warm thoughts and hugs and good KARMA!!! I sure hope that you’ll keep the blog going. Looking forward to hearing all about your new life. Cry when you need to girl…we’ll all be here to send you virtual hugs!!
.-= bermudabluez´s last blog ..Weekend Commuting… =-.
I truly understand how you’re feeling. (Though I’d almost consider doing some inappropriate things just so I wouldn’t have to do all this packing my self.
)
The thing is, in one house, those things had a place they settled into. You passed them by every day, used them. They gave context to your days, so to think of them in a different place – of finding a new place for for each one – can feel so unsettling. Just as thinking of your family in a new place. I hope it’s a smooth transition for you… xoxo
.-= Jennifer H´s last blog ..Sealed =-.