Sardinia, Summer 2002. Sarah with dad.
“Don’t you ever miss home?” an old friend asked me on Facebook a few days ago. She was referring to Sardinia, the Italian island where I was born and lived until the age of 17. More specifically, she was referring to Nuoro, the “city” so small it is barely a city at all – more of a town, really – where we all lived, went to school, met in the evening to walk up and down the Corso Garibaldi, the main street, and then stop at the Piazza Vittorio Emanuele, the square where we all went to play as kids, because our parents would take us back to where they used to hang out with their friends; the square where we also, as teens, started hanging out with our friends.
My friend still leaves there, cannot bear the thought of leaving. So it’s it strange to her that I have been away for 15 years, that I have lived in several other places, that I have created a family for myself and even then I didn’t go back, not for longer than a 2-week summer vacation… she cannot imagine how any of my trips and moves might change my feelings about the place where I was born, where I grew up, where I still have friends – though can you really call a friend someone you haven’t been in touch with for many years? Someone with whom you haven’t shared the important moments in your life, like your wedding, the birth of your children? Hmmm. Maybe.
Piazza Vittorio Emanuele, Nuoro (Sardinia, Italy)
She never considered that perhaps it never felt like home, in the first place.
Of course she wasn’t the first to ask that question – I have been asked the same thing many times, by relatives, friends old and new, and more recently by a few bloggers. Then the question was raised on Twitter Moms: “What is home?” and I thought perhaps it’s time to answer it – not that I have all the answers, mind you, but I might just have this one.
Since leaving my hometown I have lived in Milan, Los Angeles, Copenhagen, Zurich and now the NYC suburbs. When I lived there, every one of those places felt like home to me. I think the fact that I had decided to be there made it home. The exception was Copenhagen, where I never felt at home; and now that I think about it, that was the only place I hadn’t really chosen to be – I was transferred for work.
I used to walk this bridge every single day. Thank you Susan for sharing this photo on Flickr.
Copenhagen was too cold and humid, and it seemed to me that there were rivers of beer flowing on any given evening. But it’s a beautiful city, and I probably would have enjoyed it more, had I just decided to be there. In fact, it makes me think that maybe we should take a trip to Copenhagen, to give my memories a positive spin 
Rodeo Drive in LA. Photo shared on Flickr by Markus.
On the other hand, who could feel completely at home in Denmark, after living in Los Angeles for 3 1/2 years? With the sun, and the palm trees, and the hills, and Universal Studios? But really, the focus was on the sun and the palm trees. I love the sun, I love warm weather. I also love palm trees, though I have to admit that they kind of bugged me around the Holidays. It’s just unnatural to have Christmas decorations on a palm tree.
LA was so much fun. I loved living there. Not even the earthquakes killed my buzz, though talk of The Big One did freak me out a bit. LA is special to me: that’s where I met my husband, that’s where we got married, and that’s where my dream to become a translator came true. Would I go back to live there? Probably not. Turns out I’m much more of a homebody. After kids, I turned into one of those cliché parents who prefer living in the suburbs. Never far from the city, but never stuck in it, either. Right now it’s Westchester, the NYC suburbs.
Stella in our backyard, this past weekend.
In a few short months it will be Zurich, again.
Will it feel like home? That depends from how much I’ll want to be there. Because you may live far from many things, but if you have the things or people you care about most, if you are somewhere you want to be, if you’ve decided to be there, wherever that is… that’s home.
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That’s a good point, but it doesn’t explain why I feel at home in a place I never even thought of visiting, much less living, and now feel at home despite being in year 16 of the 5 year plan. For me, I think it’s also the connections. When you connect with like (or similar) minded people who care about you, your children, etc., your roots start to grow. (Even when you wanted shallow roots and long branches.)
Wow, I just found your blog a short time ago, so I had to go back and read the news about Zurich and a lot of your other old posts (love your blog, btw!) I was especially interested in your description of Sarah’s school and the cliquey moms!
And I know exactly what you mean about deciding to make a place a home. Right now we live in suburban Atlanta, and while I can’t really complain about anything, it just feels like we are only perching here, not really settling. This is in spite of the fact that we love the school, the closeness to family, the weather. . .I dunno, I miss the west coast and I miss small town life.
Hm, the only place I’ve ever felt at home was my parents home. Not even the one they have now. I guess I’m a nester.
I’ve lived other awesome & beautiful places, and loved living there, but they never felt like ‘home’.
Great Post Elisa!
For me home is where the people are. It used to be my sisters who made it feel like home. Then I had a family and now, no matter where we land, I feel like I can make it a home. I love the process of making a new place feel like home – meeting people, decorating, finding the right dry cleaner (would that be nesting?). The down side to this is that I sometimes feel a little wanderlust that my husband and kids decidedly do not feel. LOL. While husband has been looking for a job these last (exhausting) 8 weeks, I have been throwing out, “What about Georgia?” “How about looking in Europe?” and most recently, “OMG, you should look at anything in NYC!”
Great post, Elisa! You have lived in some incredible cities. I love Europe. I only lived in Patras, Greece for under 2 years, but I love going back to visit. I could never live there, though. As much as I complain about living in Canada, since having my children, I have totally started appreciating it more. I loved living in Bethesda, MD, though – I think, if my extended family came with us, I could move there! That picture of Stella is GORGEOUS!
If nothing else at least they were beautiful places to live. I’ve never even thought of visiting Copenhagen, I may have to put it on my list after seeing that picture. Good luck in Zurich.
Sounds like you’ve been to some lovely places!!
I would give anything to have called so many places home…you are so lucky! No matter how hard I try, I cannot get myself out of the Dallas area. It’s not pretty, it’s way too hot but it’s where my friends are and I can’t imagine being anywhere without them. They make whatever house I live in here feel like home.
I loved this post! I haven’t lived in so many places. I am from Berlin, have lived in Alicante and for the last 2 years in Philadelphia. My husband was born in Dresden but grew up in Moscow and his mother is from Kiev. We both love Philadelphia, but we are sure that we will leave at one point. Maybe next year. I want to go “home” for a while. And with home I mean Berlin. Mostly because I will have a daughter this summer and I picture her playing with my brother and my parents in my parent’s beautiful garden. But I know that my husband will not want to stay in Berlin for long and I know that our careers will take us to other places (his will probably take us to Russia or the Ukraine at some point). And I thought, will I be able to feel at home there? I feel I will be happy wherever I decide to be with my husband and my daughter. We will be a family and as long as we are happy, I will be happy no matter where we are (but I do hear you with the cold, so I am really afraid of Moscow!). So home is where the heart is and you take every place with you when you leave.
Hi Elisa! OK, I’m a bit slow. Nice post! I like that, home is where the heels are. We travel around a lot too (mainly between the US and UK) and I really feel like a hodge podge of cultures. Can’t believe you left Sardinia though
.-= A Modern Mother´s last blog ..On haggis and Burns Night =-.
Shallow roots and long branches – love that Laura!
I have noticed that the two things are directly proportional: the more I want to be somewhere, the more I participate, and socialize, and make it home. But if I didn’t want to be there, I can make all the efforts possible, and until I make that decision I still won’t feel home. It’s really remarkable how powerful our convictions are, even when they are misguided