Guest poster: OHMommy, from Classy Chaos!

I adore her blog. She is funny, a good writer, and she always has gorgeous pictures of her  family. Oh, and by the way, she is f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s. Let’s face it, we all kind of want to be her a little bit So imagine my glee when she accepted to guest post here! Without further ado, I give you Pauline, a.k.a. OHMommy

After seven long years of child bearing I produced three children and gained a total of 180 pounds. I am selfishly proclaiming this upcoming summer season as the summer that I frolic around the community pool in a two piece.

No one pieces. Not even a tankini. No cover ups. Or cute skirted bottoms. No. No. No! In fact, I plan on tossing the above mentioned items in our stainless steel grill to heat the childrens’ Oscar Myer hot dogs on Memorial Day. Not even the Purple Heart Veterans will take used one pieces no matter what label they are. Heh. I did actually call them and ask, “You take gently used clothing, yes? How about super cute designer swimwear sizes 10, 8, and 6?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

So fuel for hot dogs it is. I have been religiously working out since the beginning of the kid’s school year, shamelessly dancing in my free time for exercise, and making sure that none of the extra goldfish crackers found their way into my mouth. And you know what? It’s really hard. All of it. I am constantly hungry, always tried, and in pain from all of the extra burpees I am made to do for being late in the morning at boot camp.

Perhaps I should move to Mauritania, a small country in N.W. Africa, where according to the AP “Men Find Obese Women More Appealing.” But then again, as an Islamic country, there are no Oscar Myer pork hot dogs to feed my children.

Good night!