Dear Elisa,
I think you REALLY need to wake up properly before you do anything at all in the morning. Either that, or the universe thinks you are too cocky and you should remember you don’t know everything, so you should get some lessons, starting NOW.
Lesson 1: do not use olive oil spray on a cast iron pan that is already on the burner, with an actual flame underneath it. Not unless you want to have eyebrows flambé for breakfast. You were lucky to have barely escaped that one. Consider it a warning.
Lesson 2: you know that hyper-sensitive fire alarm right outside the kitchen? You know how it goes off any time you fry, caramelize or bake anything, and the only way you normally avoid it is by turning on the your stove’s exhaust fan? Good. Well, since the exhaust fan is broken and you keep forgetting to call the repairman, you should have expected the aforementioned hyper-sensitive fire alarm to go off when you made breakfast this morning, you silly moo – hence alerting all your neighbors that you were cooking something, and likely burning it.
From now until the fan is fixed, you are to open any and all windows in the kitchen and let in the freezing-cold New York winter air, in the hope that this morning’s occurrence can be avoided. You choose, either you call the repairman or you’ll have to start wearing your winter coat while making breakfast.
Lesson 3: what is wrong with you, going to the mall on the first week of going on a diet? The mall, where you have to pass Harry & David and a cafeteria to go to Sephora, and you have to pass Starbucks, Godiva and the pretzel place to go to Gap Baby, and where you have to go upstairs to the food court to go to the family restroom. Honestly. You know you can’t resist carbs when your blood sugar is low. And you know you can’t resist anything chocolate-filled or chocolate-covered… ever. Testing your willpower, were you? Bad idea. Don’t make that face, you know what the results were! Starbucks Mint Brownies 1, Willpower 0.
Ah, what a great start to the day. It builds character, I tell ya.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Letters to yourself are the best.
I’m so vain, I even sign them all artsy like I’m cool…or something.
lol, I love how you lectured yourself and gave yourself an ultimatum. As if you’re going to listen
You had me at Starbucks Mint Chocolate Brownie!
omg, I have to laugh- our fire alarms are these uniquely high pitched screechy things that trigger each other. So, if you don’t stop the first one, three more go off and you can’t think for the pain in your ears. Makes me crazy, but I’d say I learned this one fast here.
My kitchen bad is turning on the wrong burner (electric) while the burner covers are on the stove. Scorched burner covers with that meatloaf, anyone?
hilarious – i don’t think i’ll ever venture into the kitchen. it’s too scary and i’m too clumsy.